“Suddenly he had my foot in his hand and was squeezing it in different places”

My partner and I were on vacation in New Orleans the week after Christmas. Having left snowstorms behind us at home, we were enjoying the sunshine and wearing jeans and t-shirts.

One morning, we were sitting waiting for the street car at the stop by the French Market when a man approached me and very cordially asked me, “What type of shoes are those?”

He was about middle aged, looked clean enough, and seemed friendly. I was wearing plain black leather loafers, but the brand name escaped me. I guess I assumed he was looking for something similar for his wife or daughter. I smiled, slipped off my shoe and read him the brand. He asked if the leather was soft. Alarm bells should’ve gone off when he knelt at my side and took the shoe from my hand, but he just seemed so genuine. He noted the padded insert and asked if I had high arches.

Suddenly he had my foot in his hand and was squeezing it in different places. I was starting to get nervous, but he was calmly going on about being a reflexologist and I was caught between stunned silence and naive belief. It wasn’t until he painfully pressed down on a bone in my foot I’ve broken twice in the past that I was jolted back to my senses. With his hands still on my foot, he started asking my girlfriend about her feet. I pulled my foot away, still smiling and trying to be polite.

Then, without either of us even saying anything to him to end the encounter, he was just gone. I suppose he’s done this enough times to know when the game is over, because he completely disappeared the instant before either of us became confrontational.

In retrospect, I’m upset with myself for doing nothing. I’ve told cat-callers to fuck off more times than I can count, called supervisors of men who’ve harassed me while they were on the job, and I read blogs like this one regularly. I KNOW better. I stick up for myself and others when I see or experience street harassment. But here was a man TOUCHING me and trying to touch my girlfriend, and I smiled and nodded while it went on for several minutes. The whole experience left me feeling disgusting and was really triggering for me as a sexual assault survivor.

– mbc

Location: New Orleans, LA, near the French Market

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“There is no where to go to escape it”

I’ve been harassed nearly everywhere I’ve gone, and no matter how I was dressed. I’ve had my boobs grabbed, my ass grabbed, my crotch grabbed, and some of the most filthy and disgusting things I never wanted to hear whispered into my ears. And it doesn’t just happen in the streets. Concerts, bars (even while I was clearly talking to a boyfriend), groceries stores, malls, in the workplace, there is no where to go to escape it. No one has ever done anything to stop it. When I ignore it or give the harasser an annoyed look, they start calling me an ungrateful bitch, or a whore. When others see me being harassed, they never do anything to stop it, as if it’s only worth the trouble if things turn to violence.

It started when I was thirteen, and I enjoyed the attention of whistles and honks from the car. It didn’t take long for me to get sick of hearing it, and for more serious trespasses to start. I was never even a sexy dresser. Jeans, t-shirt, no makeup. That didn’t effect things, either. I often wore old, dirty sweatpants and a torn up flannel shirt to a job I had loading trailers in college. For some reason, that just made them like me more, especially at gas stations. For years, I quit going to bars and concerts because I was so sick of dealing with the crowd. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t get it quite so much. Oddly, the business suit seems to work better as a deterrent than the sweat pants ever did.

All that time, I just figured it was something I had to live with and work around. This website and it’s message are great, and I hope it will help change the way we deal with this issue.

– KW

Location: Everywhere

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Saddening: when women tell other women to just “deal” with street harassment

So here we go. Another week of idiots thinking they can hiss and catcall to me. For no reason at all. Ok so it hasn’t been all that bad this time but it still left me feeling annoyed.

Harasser 1) I’m sitting on a bus with my boyfriend, then we decide to move seats because there wasn’t much leg space. After we move, we hear two young men sitting two seats behind us cough and the word ‘twats’ being said at the same time. I knew it was at us. And I’m sure it wasn’t an accident that they somehow came out with that word when they coughed! And both of them as well. Hmmm.

Harasser 2) Still on the bus, almost at our destination. I look out the window and see a van. And surprise surprise, I saw a nice view of a middle finger sticking up at the back window. Charming. What could I of done? Smiled and waved? Of course not. I happily gave them the finger back! Before the idiots drove on.

Harasser 3) This happened the day after. I was walking home from my boyfriends house and I wasn’t in a very good mood. Well certainly not in the mood to be whistled at! Yep, but thats what happens when you are in a ‘don’t mess with me’ mood and you have the ‘don’t mess with me’ look on your face. It’s called intimidation!

Dam so I’ve really taken some crap this week. As I said, it’s not really shocking or anything but still frustrating! I’ve had enough. I can’t go anywhere…

[Editor’s note: Here is a second submission from Clarice]

I do apologise, I know I’ve already sent one story yesterday but I just have to add this bit in… First of all, I had another harasser. This was after I sent the story. So… Harasser 4) I’m waiting for a bus to go home from the supermarket and just as the bus was coming, two boys on bikes rode past and shouted BITCH! at me. I could not say anything back to them. I was livid. It ruined my evening and I felt powerless. What did I do to deserve this crap? And to top it off, when I told my gran she just laughed and said ‘perhaps it wasn’t aimed at me’. It was.

Then to get my frustration out, I ranted about street harassment on an anger site. Most of the responses I had were awful. One said ‘you love it you slut’ another ‘show us your tits bitch’ and the one that saddened me the most was from a woman telling me it’s what men do and I should deal with it.

Yeah sure. Fine. Im a woman and because I have a vagina then I should deal with it. Ok from now on I will, after all boys will be boys (sarcasm)

– Clarice

Location: Wales, UK

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“All of a sudden, it wasn’t funny anymore. We felt threatened & uncomfortable.”

My friend and I were walking to the deli one summer night to buy some snacks. It was about 8 p.m. and it was starting to get a little dark. As we were walking there, we received some whistles and some, “How are you ladies today?” but we just laughed because it was funny and a little flattering, I must admit.

While we were walking back, there was a group of guys across the street outside of a house just hanging out. Their ages ranged from maybe about 17-20. As we passed by them, a guy starting shouting some words to us but we didn’t hear him so we just kept on going. Then he power strided across the street full force, almost getting hit by a car, shouting, “Ayo mami, what’s good?” and, “I’m talking to you, turn around!”

He was coming towards us very aggressively and I was scared. A few of his friends had to hold him back because they noticed how obscene his behavior was. I was so scared, that I jogged away a little because my heart was beating intensely. The guy got very close, he almost grabbed me, but luckily his friend got him and apologized to us for his actions.

I was very shaken after this. He almost got hit by a CAR, but he kept going! We were only 13 at the time. Sure, we looked older than our age, but even if we were older, that is just not appropriate at all.

It did not feel good at all. We didn’t laugh. We weren’t flattered. All of a sudden, it wasn’t funny anymore. We felt threatened and uncomfortable. He crossed the line.

– Veronica

Location: Brooklyn, NY

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Street harassers crush her dreams of loving to live in the city

I was at a stop waiting for public transportation to go home. I was new to the city, so walking alone wasn’t a big deal yet. As I was walking towards the platform from the mall, a few 40 year old or so men were standing in the corner, waiting for the same light rail. One of them shouted saying, “You know you’re hot. You know you are. I’d like to take you home and tear you up,” and the others laughed.

I did nothing but ignore, and feel my eyes start to swell. It just so happens that on my way home on the same evening, just ten minutes after that incident, I caught an even older man staring at me. I tried to ignore it, but when his stop came he looked at me and stated so everyone could hear, “You’re so beautiful you look like a model.”

I am from a small town, and could feel comfortable going to the mall in the evening. I am only 19 and I moved away from the city because of how frequent I would be bothered walking in the street. My dream since I was a little girl was to love living in the city.

– E

Location: Lloyd Center Mall Portland, Oregon

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.