Weekly Round Up Jan. 31, 2010

January 31, 2010

Stories:

I accept street harassment submissions from anywhere in the world.
Share your story!

In the News:

Announcements:

Events:

  • Save the Date on Feb. 13 and Feb. 14 for the Vagina Monologues in Washington, DC — it’s a fundraiser to bring RightRides to Washington, DC

Resource of the Week:


Make it happen! – Last day to vote

January 31, 2010

Cross-posted from HollaBack NYC

You got us here, now help us seal the deal.  Give your five star rating to Hollaback and help us win the Knight News Challenge.

Over the past month 1,732 of you have checked out our application, making us the most viewed project of the competition.  Even more impressive, 102 of you have voted for our project, securing us the most votes.  But yesterday, our competitors showed their poor sportsmanship by slamming our project with one star votes and sinking Hollaback! from #1 to #15.  It’s your take-no-shit attitude that has made our project a success over the past five years.  So let’s rally on this cold winter day hollaback! at these haters to get this project funded.

This is your chance to fight street harassment worldwide. Vote now. Voting ends today.


75 percent of women have been followed by a stranger

January 29, 2010

January is National Stalking Awareness Month. 3.4 million people over age 18 are stalked each year – a huge number! Most people are stalked by someone they know and about 10 percent are stalked by a stranger. One form of street harassment is being followed by a stranger, but being followed once by a person does not seem to characterize stalking, otherwise I think the stranger stalking statistic would be much higher.

In fall 2008, when I informally surveyed over 900 people in 45 states and 23 countries about their experiences in public spaces, 75 percent of the 811 women said they had been followed by an unknown person at least once. Anecdotally, I’ve received numerous story submissions for this blog from women who had a strange man follow them.

Being stalked or being followed once by someone can be characterized as romantic or flattering to the target, mainly if they are of the opposite sex. Both behaviors are not. In one of my survey questions where people could say how different behaviors they were the target of made them feel, most women said being followed made them fearful. Being followed was second only to being assaulted for how much it upset them. My scariest experiences have been when unknown men have followed me, too. You don’t know what they want or what they intend to do.

Have you been stalked? Followed once by a stranger? What happened? How did it make you feel?


Local man spews lewdness from bike; what to do?

January 27, 2010

I live in a D.C. suburb (Md) in a well-established community that has a small town atmosphere. There are lots of walking paths and recreation. I am frequently out and about, walking, jogging, biking, as I don’t have a car and work in the community. I’m in forties and carry myself with confidence. I’m tall and fit. I don’t think of myself as any kind of easy mark and certainly had hoped I’d aged out of being harassed in general.

For the last several years, though, a resident man has been occasionally sexually harassing me. At first it didn’t quite register; this is the kind of place where you say hello when you pass someone and it’s not uncommon to frequently see the same people. But it soon became unmistakable.

Turns out this guy has bothered my (even older) sister too. He’s a short, fat, repellant fellow -sorry, I have to say it; I don’t feel charitable – and one of his favorite methods is to bike by a woman, wait until the last possible minute and then make a lewd comment or sound, after which he quickly bikes away. I had just been doing the Old Conventional Wisdom of saying nothing but feeling totally icky inside whenever this happened. Any time I’d see him, I’d get wary and tense up.

Until a year ago when another local woman who I don’t know posted a message on our town’s internet list serve, relating a tale of being harassed. I knew immediately it was the same man by her description and was able to chime in on the public list that he had bothered me as well. I said he was relying on anonymity which struck me as preposterous in our small town and added that I sometimes thought of jamming a big stick into his bike spokes as he went for his *getaway* (but tacked on that I have a vivid imagination! I knew better than to appear like some crazy whack-nut but at the same time I hoped the message would get to him somehow that we weren’t all just going to passively take it. I wanted the idea planted that someone could fight back).

Evidently he saw or heard about the other woman’s post and he emailed her an apology. I did not receive any apology. She also passed on his name and confirmed his address to me, which I definitely wanted to know. Problem solved right?! He’s been publicly embarrassed and that’ll teach him to leave women alone. You’d think.

So 2009 passed without incident. I saw him around but he said nothing to me (or my sister) and I began to relax. (I even said thank you to him once when he moved his bike aside on the sidewalk behind his home as I passed.) Until last weekend.

It was a cold day and my sister and I took a walk in our local park. That man came biking toward us. We both tensed and to my shock, he leered and said something lewd right as he came by us. I couldn’t believe it! I was so livid, my heart pounding, that this time, for the first time, I hollered “SHUT UP!!” at his retreating fat backside. We walked on debating what to do. I just couldn’t believe that public embarassment in a small town last year did not put an end to this!

Let me point out that the obvious suggestion, that he’s mentally ill and can’t help himself, doesn’t apply. All along this troll has picked & chosen the target and the location with care. He waits till he sees you alone somewhere. For all I know it’s the whole point of his bike rides (he’s certainly not dropping any pounds). One time he approached a man I was talking to in our local town center, with lots of people around, and he didn’t even glance my way. I look back and regret that I didn’t challenge him right then and there. But I don’t think I’m being singled out – I doubt he even recognized me in that context. He wasn’t even looking at me.

My sister and I continued our walk and once again Mr. Charm came biking toward us. We weren’t going to say anything, but again, at the last moment, he got an ugly look on his face said something hostile and mocking about my having said *shut up*. And again, I hollered at his back that was he was doing was harassment and that we knew his name and where he lived. He was mouthing off so I doubt he listened to me. My sister reported he was giving us the finger. She called him a pig (something I had already told her wasn’t going to help…).

We were within walking distance of our police station and after some discussion, went there. The officer we spoke to was antagonistic and unhelpful. He didn’t care, not even that this man had been reported before. The officer wanted to argue with us. Somehow we were at fault. I was disgusted but would not be drawn into a debate and said so. We soon left, with no resolution from our lovely police enforcement and protector of our safety (ha).

As I write this I am debating how to proceed. I can’t just do nothing and hope it doesn’t happen again. Even if this man starts to recognize me – as opposed to being just one of the many anonymous women he bothers – and leave me alone (or worse ratchet up his hostility and aggression), that doesn’t help the other women I am certain he is harassing. It cannot just be one woman I don’t know (who has since moved away) and me and my sister who he is victimizing.

But I’m troubled. Being called out, even if not by name, on a public list – one which is monitored by the local Council, the local police, and the local papers – did not make this man stop. He merely took a break. I could return to the public list serve with my story and possibly print his name this time. I could go to his home address and leave a large note on his front door telling me to stop sexually harassing local women. I could also write to the local paper (I don’t know if they’d print it; I feel certain they would not print his name.)

It happens that I have a copy of Back Off! which I had never read. I fished it out and started reading. I was glad to see so much confirmation of what I already felt and believed. I had confronted him as the book suggested (even if my sister under-mined that tack a bit with name-calling). But it didn’t matter because he wasn’t listening. The book doesn’t talk about that or how to handle it if the man just leaves, as in the case of the quick bike getaways. I could wait until I find this man in public somewhere not on his bike, but who knows when that will be, and moreover the idea just makes me sick with anxiety. Besides: haven’t we – more than one woman in more than one way – already told him this is not acceptable?

I’m afraid if I do something – and I feel I must – that there will be retaliation. He looks like he could do some damage. I have no fighting training. (But have begun to consider getting some…) Do I start carrying pepper spray? I’d like to believe that further making this public will help. But I also must tell you that a woman was sexually assaulted and attacked in the middle of the day at this very same park in the Fall by another local man and while the case is going through the court system, there has been NO local outcry. Only I posted something about it to our list serve. Other posters? Silent. The local paper? Silent. The Council? Silent. How can I expect a community to get behind me and be as outraged as I am by harassment if they are unexcited about an assault and attempted rape?

My best hope I think is to appeal to other people’s own concerns – to point out this man could be harassing their loved ones – wife, daughter, sister, friend. Until it hits home, I’m afraid that crime or harassment in this case, is not of tremendous concern. There’s a sense that *This isn’t my problem.* In that way, I do feel alone and that I have to fight this battle alone.

– Colette

Location: Maryland suburb of Washington, DC

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.


17-year sentence

January 27, 2010

A man in San Francisco sexually assaulted a woman and – thankfully – now will be serving a 17-year, 8-month sentence (the maximum) for the crime. DNA evidence has linked him to the rape and strangulation of another woman in 2007 though no charges have been filed. Both women are transgender prostitutes, and, sadly, it seems we can add them to a long list of women targeted for assault and murder because (at least in part) of their occupation and to a long list of people targeted for assault and murder for being transgender.

The fact that the assailant is being charged is evidence of some social change though because I’m not sure he would have been in years past – or maybe he wouldn’t have been today in a less human-rights oriented city.


15-year old girls help nab groper

January 26, 2010

Here’s a bad story with a good ending. In Edmonton, Canada, a man groped two teenage girls on different occasions on a bus.

“In the latter case, the alleged groper slipped his hand onto the victim’s seat as she sat down, Tabler said. The girl told a friend about the incident, who recognized the man as someone who had touched her inappropriately at an earlier date. The girls both took pictures of the man with their cellphones and then called police.”

A few hours after the police released the man’s photo, he was arrested and charged with one count of sexual assault (not sure why it’s not two if he assaulted both of them on separate occasions). The man is 52 years old, the girls are both 15. What the hell.

(In an unrelated incident, the article reports that another man groped a 24 year old woman on the bus last week in the same town.)

What is great about this story is how the girls worked together in an empowering way, took photos of and reported the harasser and now he’s being held accountable for his unacceptable and illegal behavior. They are inspirational!


“On My Walk to the Theatre to see Avatar”

January 25, 2010

It must have been the girlish and irresistible swish of my ponytail, as I walked unobtrusively down the sidewalk in the yellow lamp light, that caught their attention.

A gang of neaderthals, coversing amongst themselves with sophistication and posh in the dark, dank parking lot, complete with the classic wino accessory: beer bottles in brown paper bags.

Such a concentration of testosterone was bound to cause a stir; they would have been itching for it, gagging for it, awaiting eargerly the arrival of their nightly entertainment — any female.

Hardly surprising, and quite common place. Men, frankly, especially in such a context, can not be trusted to behave rationally around women. I find it quite funny that it was women who were made to prove themselves to be persons.

It was not that I caught their attention, that was always unavoidable — the particulars in such situations are irrelevant, and by that I mean myself. Whatever I was wearing, whatever my appearence and general level of attractiveness, my manner as a whole towards them and my surroundings . . .

The curiosity in this occurence was the shocking misogyny I experienced. I had expected a few “hey girly” remarks and then muttering about my being a stuck-up bitch when I invariably, rightly, and completely ignored them (well, on the outside at the very least. You can never help but to hear and to see, can you? It always gets you.)

Rather, when I failed my duty as a cordial host for their gentlemanly respects, I was gobsmacked by an outright “BITCH”. Jeese, I had at least expected that for *after* their failed attemtps at wooing, and as a slightly more subdued reflection amongst themselves with their unjustly struck hearts.

What is wrong with people? No. What is wrong with men? These were 30 year old adults . . . the sheer number and frequency of such occurences is proof that my all encompassing statement of “what is wrong with men” is not in reality unjust, or unreasonable, or the product of a “wounded bird”.

There is something in the relations between males and females that cannot be eradicated, no matter the pressure of civilized society or the supremity of morals.

Just hope for men who are at least semi-decent people (do not expect them to be like you), even if they are probably just pretending to be so in your presence, so as to not offend your delicate feminine sensibilities.

This is was in downtown Peterborough, where street harassment happens quite often despite it being only three blocks long.

So, in effect, the world can be a horrible place. But, hey, isn’t that just life, like they say?

– Megan

Location: Peterborough

Share your street harassment story today and help raise awareness about the problem. Include your location and it will be added to the Street Harassment Map.