It’s finally the summer, and just when I want to go out, have fun, and do what i want to do, I am consistently reminded of careless no-life perverts in my area. I can’t step out of my house without knowing if there is going to be a bunch of guys posted outside & ready to attempt to spit game and start a conversation.
I keep thinkin to myself, “DONT THESE MUTHA FUCKAS HAVE JOBS?!” I mean, come on! The economy can’t be that bad for there to be hella big ass groups of dudes surrounding me at each corner of my area, doin nuthin but smoking and looking for trouble. The bus stops are horrible for me especially because of the fact I have to wait for the bus leaving me vulnerable to street harassers and wanna-be thugs.
There’s nothing wrong with a simple hello, but if I feel i just wanna be left alone….Then all i want to do is be left alone. That’s ALL.
I try to use my phone and ipod to keep me distracted, but I cant always count on that. One guy in his car slowly pulls up while im waiting, and I just let him know on the spot, displayed the promise ring my boyfriend gave me, and told him that it was ALL BAD….but in an assertive way. It’s so hard to be assertive when you really just feel like cursing up a storm at whack ass dudes these days. But to be safe, and knowing how violent my community is these days, I have to be assertive in a polite way and know to keep repeating my standards. Usually I have my best friend or boyfriend help me, but I have to learn how to take care of myself and also protect myself as well.
– “Fedup with cat-callers”
Location: “Bus Stop (in general)”
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It sadly seems as if their “jobs” are to harass women on the streets! I call those men “Loitering Losers.” I had my own LLs to deal with years back in my old neighborhood. They’d be out there at 8 in the morning when I headed to work, and they’d be there at 8 in the evening when I was coming home. No lives whatsoever. There is absolutely no reason for mobs of men and boys to be hanging out on the street corner all hours of the day.
I can truly relate to what you are saying because I take the bus and light rail frequently in my city. I never take the bus without wearing a set of headphones. I usually wear dark sunglasses, even on a cloudy day, to avoid eye contact with people. I’m not interested in socializing on public transportation, especially with men, given the experiences I’ve had.
I agree totally with Golden Silence-it is not normal to be hanging around on street corners, parking lots, building entrances in a prolonged fashion. These men are sending signals that they potentially are trouble. The bus station I go to always has men hanging around. Obviously, they are probably waiting for the bus or train too, but some certainly do take the opportunity to harass me and other women while they are waiting. Frequently, I have experienced men leering at me when I walk by, asking me what my name is, checking out my body.
As far as taking care of myself, I am studying Krav Maga, an Israeli self-defense technique and I have taken some Aikido classes. It really does help to know at least some self-defense. Harassing men assume we are powerless and that is partly why they harass women-they assume our weakness. So, I decided to make myself as strong and knowledgeable as possible. I make it a point to be aware of what’s going on around me, though at times, especially when I’m tired, I have been caught off guard.
Anyway, three words have been very helpful in dealing with harassers on public transportation and they are: “Leave me alone” or some variation, like, “I want to be left alone,” spoken in an assertive tone. Maybe I’ve been lucky, but every time I’ve said that, the jerk of the moment does leave me alone and they don’t engage me any further.
Two great books I would try to read: Martha J. Langelan’s Back Off (see chapter on Confronting Harassers in the Community regarding harassment and public transportation) and Passing By: Gender and Public Harassment by Carol Brooks Gardner.
Peace and Blessings to you!!